Saturday, January 17, 2015

Story Time

I wrote this at work tonight, when I didn't have internet access.  I prefaced it with "I'm really really bored... :P haha" so don't have high expectations.  Seriously.

Once upon a time in a far off kingdom there lived a little hedgehog named Phil.  He was a happy hedgehog, who loved eating the wild raspberries that grew outside his little den.  

One day, a big, white, floppy-eared rabbit, named George of course, came hop, hop, hopping along by Phil's house and was stopped in his tracks by the delightful sight of the scrumptious raspberry patch.  Then he kept hop, hop, hopping because rabbits only eat carrots.

Next came a medium-sized blue jay known as Steve.  Steve flap, flap, flapped along, keeping close to the forest ground, looking for treats (as blue jays are apt to do - they are very greedy creatures, after all.)  Steve's small, black, beady eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw the tantalizingly luscious berries.  He quit his flap, flap, flapping and immediately proceeded to gorge himself on the treasures.  Once he was full to bursting, he fell asleep under the thicket.

That afternoon, when Phil came home from work (his job was to meander the woodland paths and be adorable, which he excelled at), he was astonished to see that nearly all of the delectable morsels next to his house were gone!  He began to weep adorable hedgehog tears, crying, "Oh dear me!" repeatedly in this distressed manner for the next two hours.  [At this point I should bring back George the rabbit because one usually should not introduce characters and not bring them back.  But George was really only passing through and was no help at all.]

Eventually, Steve the blue jay woke up, though not from Phil's tears (he's a very heavy post-gorging sleeper.)  However, he found that he was now so fat that he couldn't flap, flap, flap away at all!   He began to weep, cawing loudly, "Oh dear me!"

Phil came trundling (sure that's a word) out of his house to see what was making such disturbing racket.  Upon seeing Steve's conspicuously enlarged abdominal area, Phil narrowed his adorable hedgehog eyes and unconsciously twitched his pink little nose.  "It was YOU!" he squeaked!  "YOU ate all of the raspberries!"

"Yes!" cawed Steve. "And I sure am sorry for it now!"

"Oh," said Phil, expecting the blue jay to be more of a jerk.  "Well, yeah."

"Yeah," sighed Steve.  His stomach was still groaning.

"Well I guess next time you won't do that."  Phil had lost all of his angry feelings.  He is a hedgehog after all - he can only have so many at once.  "Hope you feel better!"

"Thanks," groaned Steve, regretting his greedy, inborn blue jay habits, "me too."

With that, Phil trundled back inside his little hedgehog burrow and proceeded being what he was meant to be - adorable.

The moral of the story, dear reader?  Be like George and just avoid the whole fucking mess.

Congrats if you made it this far.  Your prize is the moral of that Pulitzer Prize winning novel.

No comments:

Post a Comment