Things Aren't Always What They Seem

Talk about a theme of the week.
---------

I was stewing in  thoughts of feeling lonely and sorry for myself on my ride home tonight when a man across the aisle from me tapped me on the shoulder.  He was solidly middle aged, bald, with rotund features and watery blue eyes, wearing black jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black leather jacket, all tinged with grime.  My music was low enough to hear the people around me murmuring, but I only saw him mouth words at me. I yanked one earbud out, "Sorry, what?"

"Nineteenth avenue?" I thought I heard him say.  He was barely moving his lips and he had a heavy Eastern European accent, but his eyes were asking a question.  "Oh, it's up ahead.  About five stops or so."  His smiled gratefully, though slightly off somehow, and murmured unintelligibly.  "Sorry, I can't hear you," I said, yanking out the other earbud.  He reached out his meaty hand again to pat my shoulder.  "You are beautiful," he garbled.

Uhhhh ... "Thank you."  I gave what I hoped was a tight smile and turned away again.  But he was persistent and tapped my shoulder again.  "Nineteenth...?"  "Yes.  It's up ahead."  Can't you tell I'm uncomfortable here, buddy? He looked me square in the eyes - "You are beautiful."  "Thank you."  This time I physically shifted over in my seat and made it a point to disengage my energy and attention from him and put my headphones back on.  He seemed to get the message and turned forward again, apparently placated.

A sudden realization bloomed in my heart.  That was God.  The fog of my sad, poor me thoughts cleared away completely and my whole being relaxed.  That was God telling me that that everything is going to be okay.

We reached Nineteenth a few minutes later.  Tap tap tap on my shoulder again.   "Nineteenth?"  Earbuds back out.  "Yep this is it."  "You are beautiful."  He smiled again.  "I have a daughter... just like..."  One more small smile on my part.  He looked at me again, squarely, "God bless you."  Then he stood to get up off the train and swayed a little as he meandered down the step -- ah, definitely drunk.  Got it.  But that didn't change what I felt to be true.  I hope he'll be alright...

As the doors closed, a kind looking older gentleman who was seated in the row of senior/disabled seating grinned at me.  "Well, at least he turned out harmless.  He was definitely making us all uncomfortable."  "Yeah," chimed in the girlfriend of a boy/girl pair seated across from him, "I'm just sorry he kept touching you."  I shrugged, "Yeah, it turned out okay."  "Ugh, it just irks me -- he wouldn't have touched you if you were a man," she continued.  Probably true, I agreed in my head, and stood up to get off at my stop.  I thought I should say thank you for their concern as I left, but the stark contrast between my inner feelings and their reactions to the situation left me conflicted.  I opted for a quick turn around and wave to the older gentleman as I stepped onto the curb.  He grinned and waved back in return.
----------------------

This whole situation just highlighted for me how some things aren't always what they seem.  My experience was not that of my neighbors.  And perhaps (as a lot of people would probably argue) my interpretation of the initial situation was skewed by some naive inclination to seek meaning in my every day life.  To that, I can only say ... I don't know.  All I do know is that that man gave my heart an answer to a question I didn't even know it was asking in that moment.  I called out and was answered by the most unlikely person and for that reason, I know it was special.