The Best Things

The best things come around when you stop looking and just let life run its course. That doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue them once you recognize them, but you cannot make them happen.

Done with Monday

There's plenty to do,
But I'll finish Game of Thrones-
Last chapter, then sleep.

Memory Lane

Long and winding,
Ever growing;
Fondly recalled
Or shaken out, dusted off,
And tucked away again.

Smiles,
Laughter,
A tear or two,
Growth,
And mostly joy.

Mine is a road
Filled with light
And I am grateful
That it continues
To help me see the way forward.

Le Sigh

I am very tired.  But feeling oh so accomplished.  And a little bit giddy.

"If all we have come through could not break us, what's ahead can only make us stronger than ever, clearer than ever; I'm closer than ever to you."

Love this show and all of the growth I have found in it.  It's truly a perfect summation of the last two years.  I feel ready (though a little scared, of course) for that next door - next time is now.  :)

Who can tell us who we are?

We are all powerful. Magic is a thing of fairy tales, however much I imagined having it as a child re-enacting the world of Harry Potter (or any of the other great books of the time.) That wish can't be granted. Yet, I firmly believe that we all possess power. It's no secret. There is no key to unlock it, though it can be challenging to find and cultivate from within ourselves.

Our power lies in the strength of our self-confidence, our belief in our self-worth.

Note: this is not arrogance. There's a fine line that can be drawn between the two, but they are fundamentally different. One is ego; the other is truth. One distances us from and the other enhances our understanding of the beings around us and their own inert value.

I cannot say when or where I learned of my power. It has been over the length of my living -- I'm still finding more of its depth and dimension with each passing week, month, and year. Because of the people around me, I have been taught to cherish it, to know that it is cherished. There is not a more beautiful feeling than being allowed to be and able to love yourself (and it is only then that we can fully love others)!

The trick of such valuable power is not allowing it to be taken away. Really, it cannot be taken; we give it. It is whom we give it to that determines whether it grows or withers. Someone whose own confidence and self-worth is weak will often - intentionally or no - stifle that of others. Why we give our power to such people is highly varied, but it can be easy to do on purpose or accident.

What's reassuring is that we can take our power back from those who would diminish it.  At any time, we can turn and say "No."  It's not usually easy to do, or even recognize that someone is doing such a thing to us.  But when we finally can see that it's happening, it is nearly impossible to let it continue.  For, at the core of it all, only we can determine our self-confidence, our worth.  Only we can tell ourselves who we are.

Snap Out of It

Regrets over:
Things said,
Choices made,
Long past.
Still seeing
You there...
It hurts.
It shouldn't.
Still smarts.
My fault,
And yet
You fought
Not once
To show
My wrong,
Which shows
I wasn't.

There is no timeline!

Sweet, sweet freedom. It has always been there, but for the first time I fully realized that there is no timeline on my life. Or yours. Or anyone's.

I have been mentally battling with my personal expectations for when I should really be married by, in order to have children healthily, and yet also trying to figure out how that wouldn't throw a wrench in my career development. And all of that is crazy because I'm only 23 and a singing career just takes time. And what's even more crazy is that I don't know what I want that career to look like exactly. And, and, and...

"STOP!! THERE IS NO TIMELINE!!" said a voice in my head... (I personally go with God on that one, but y'all do your own thing. I'm ok of you think I'm nuts.)

There is no prescribed definition for how the span of my life should look. The beauty of life is in the differences between people. I already know that I can't apply any other singer's timeline of vocal development to my own - that only serves to drive one mad, believe me! In the literally same exact way, I can't compare the trajectory of my so-far-lived and my to-be-lived life to anyone else's (or my perceived ideas of the lives of others.) What an absolutely freeing idea!!

Logically, I know this is the case. It just makes sense. But with graduation looming, the mind gets into the rut of forecasting the next 25 years... at least, mine does -- every time without fail. Today was the first day that I began to (Lord knows I've got miles to go) truly internalize the concept that the only expectations I must meet are my own. When I loosen my grip on my grasp of have tos and musts, I find that I feel a pressure lifting. I can breathe and not hyperventilate. I can rest without worry. I can be where I am and let that lead to where I'm going.

Because, try as we might, we can only ever be where we are. Trying to make more happen in a time that hasn't yet come is only impossible and exhausting. I don't want to live a life of surviving the present to reach the future. The rich possibilities of the future are only there when we choose to affect the now we are in.

Luckily, that's exactly what we can do. Because, again, there is no designated plan we have to match up with, or else be outcast from a "successful" life. There aren't any expectations that are more important than your own goals and dreams. Best of all, those dreams and goals are allowed to change!

We aren't static creatures. We are meant to grow. And when we are fully allowed to grow is when we flourish -- all in our own time.